in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
