2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
