The best revenge is premature balding
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
