Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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