We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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