I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
