i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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