Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
