He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my sisters under your porch take her home
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
