so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
