i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize