the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
