The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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