He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
