We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
