my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
