its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
