Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
