Bisexual people are plain selfish.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
