good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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