I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My vagina is officially offended.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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