i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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