I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
