I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
