yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
