I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
