I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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