You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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