Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
