Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
