Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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