Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
