No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
