But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
