How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
