He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
