there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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