I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
