dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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