Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
