Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
