We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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