Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
