Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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