90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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