based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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