Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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