3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
