the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
