in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
