I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
