I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Randomize
