After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
