I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
