My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
