my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize