i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
not ubering you a puppy
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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