I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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