The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
