I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
