Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
