left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
