Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
