FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
