His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
God, I missed his penis.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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