All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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