thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
