Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
