I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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