her vagine was all disorganized.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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