pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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