That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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